Ashes - Book 1 Page 7

  Ken’s mouth was wide open. “Holy shit, you hit the jackpot the first time. I would’ve done anything for that to be my first time. Hell, my now time.” He points a finger at me. “Don’t fucking tell Steph I said that or I will kill you.”

  I kick his chair leg, hoping to make him lose balance and fall on his ass. He doesn’t. “You know I’m kidding,” he adds. “At least the now time part. I’m perfectly happy with Steph. But a man can’t help thinking of what he missed.”

  Yeah. That’s my greatest fear. Missing out on something. Living with regrets.

  “You have to realize these girls were all four or five years older than me. They convinced me to go back to their room with them, against Paulette’s objections. They were drunk and I should never have driven anywhere, but like I said, I was young. What the hell did I know? I was nervous and anxious. I could only hope this was my shot.

  “When we got to their room, they pulled some wine out and we started drinking again. They kept asking me if I was going to be a cop or a firefighter. They said I had the perfect body for either and that they just wanted to taste every part of me. I told them I wanted to go in the army. I felt a hand grab my cock and squeeze. One of the girls told me she was an army brat and she got tired of moving every two years and that I should be a cop or fireman instead. She said I could save lives and have a stable life, then she stuck my dick in her mouth.”

  Ken rears back in his chair again, head thrown back, howling in laughter. “So you decided to be a fireman because some girl sucked you off?”

  “Why not? She gave mighty good head.” He roars again, wiping the tears from his eyes. I look at him and am struck with an evil plan.

  “Of course it wasn’t just the blow job,” I go on, intent on tormenting him with the details of that night. I’ll make him suffer knowing he’ll never have that kind of freedom again.

  I wait until he stops laughing and I have his full attention. “You should have seen this one girl’s tits. Easily double-D. I put my hand under her bikini top and just played with them. Squeezing them softly at first, but she moved my hand to one of her nipples and I felt it get as hard as my cock. She started moaning and whispered for me to squeeze them hard. I was afraid of hurting her, but she kept moaning, ‘harder, harder’.”

  I glance at Ken. Yeah. I have his full attention. “The other girl gave my cock a hard squeeze and she put her hand on her other friend’s tit. Then she pulled off her friend’s top and bit on her nipple. The groan was unlike anything I had ever heard. My first experience with pleasure with pain. The smell in the room was intoxicating. She grabbed my hand and put it down her bikini bottom. I was overwhelmed, but she moved it over the soft hairy mound and right onto her clit.”

  Ken is leaning forward now, forearms on his knees. I decide to go for the triple-X version of this story.

  “One girl was slowly licking and kissing her way down her friend’s stomach. Just as soon as she got to her belly button, she gave a quick lick and would run her tongue back up to a nipple. The girl was moaning and lifting her head off the carpet, almost banging it back onto the carpet. Her eyes were rolling back into her head as her friend bit the nipple just right.”

  Ken kicks back the chair on two legs. “Holy fuck, dude. This is better than porn. You ought to write a book.”

  I pretend to ignore him. “So my hand is still inside this one girl’s bikini bottoms while she starts going down on the other one. I tentatively put a finger in her wetness and started feeling her insides. When she groaned and pushed back against my hand, you’d have thought I was king of the mountain. My mind was racing. Finally, the forbidden fruit.

  “I’m so intent in what I’m doing, that I don’t see the other girl get up and pull the strings on the bikini of the girl I’m fingering. They fall off and this girl puts her hand on the back of my neck, and pushes my face down between her friend’s legs… and then joins me!”

  I laugh at the memory. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing and there I was, in the middle of a wet dream. I watch what the other girl is doing and start doing it myself. I’m sure I was awful, licking more like a dog would lick a bone, but she seemed to enjoy it.

  “At first I hated the taste, but soon I couldn’t get enough. I didn’t want to stop. I pushed her friend aside and spread her legs slightly so I could lay between her and get my face right into the action. I had a bird’s eye view of what I only saw in the magazines my step-dad tried to hide from me.”

  Ken reaches into the cooler beside him and grabs two bottles of water, tossing one to me. I hide my smile as he pours about half of it over his head.

  “After what seemed like hours, they both told me to get on the couch and lay on my back. I did as I was told, and they ripped my trunks off me. One of the girls started sucking me off again while the other was kissing me. To be honest, I thought I was going to come too soon. I was singing nursery rhymes in my head to stop from shooting off.

  “Out of nowhere, one of the girls is rolling a condom down my dick and hopped on, grinding her pussy into my groin so hard I had a bruise for a week from that. Her friend jumped on my face and started twirling her hips, getting my entire face wet. I didn’t know what the hell was going on or what to do next, so I just lay there like a two by four.”

  Ken’s laughing his ass off again and I can’t help but join him. It’s a long time before I can finish the story, what was left of it anyway. “Needless to say, the nursery rhymes didn’t help and I blew my load way too soon. The girls didn’t seem to mind, they just took care of each other while I lay there and watched.”

  I stand up and take a little bow. “And that is the moment I questioned everything, and thought that being a firefighter instead of a military guy wasn’t such a bad idea.”

  Ken stands up as well, clapping his hands together. “Did you hook up with them again?”

  I shake my head. “Nope. That’s when things went to shit. Paulette was so pissed that she’d driven home and left me and Paul there at the beach. Paul found me the next morning and we had to call our parents to come get us. His mom and dad refused. My mom was livid and it was my asshole step-father that came and got us. He forbid me from ever hanging out with Paul again. Of course, I snuck out, but it wasn’t the same for a while anyway. They never suspected that I banged those chicks, well I guess technically they banged me. I tried to have Paulette hook me up with them, but she never would. She was probably more pissed at them than me. I don’t know though. Once I got my motorcycle I went down to find where I thought they lived, but I never did find them.”

  Ken grins. “And now look at you. A firefighter player.”

  “Yep. A single firefighter player who is still free and clear to have many more threesomes in his future.”

  Ken scowls at me.

  I grab the .22 and move next to Ken. “Now, let’s start shooting. Enough of the stories.”

  Chapter 10 – Beth

  The day after our waxing episode, I get up early and take Onyx on her daily walk. Steph is still barely talking to me and wincing dramatically every time she has to sit down.

  Back at the house, I jump in the pool and swim a few laps and, just like magic, Stephanie is there with a towel and two large glasses of green smoothies. I’ve been forgiven. She’s even smiling a little.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Better, and I hate to admit it, but this morning it really feels smooth.”

  Squatting down in front of her, I look at her legs and run a hand up her shin. I’m looking for bumps, ingrown hair or places where her skin might need some ointment.

  I look up at her and she’s laughing down at me. “You know, we really do know each other entirely too well.”

  I point at her crotch. “Need me to check there too?” I kid her, grinning. “Or a little anus investigation?”

  “No thank you. Ken volunteered to do that later tonight.”

  I stand and take the green glass. “Darn it,” I joke, pouting my lower lip out and giving pup
py dog eyes. “I thought we were taking our relationship to a whole new level.”

  She grins. “Looks like you’ll need to re-connect with … oh, what was her name … from college?”

  “Pamela.” I know exactly who she is talking about.

  Her eyes get big. “Yes, Pamela. I’m sure she’ll be more than happy to let you inspect anything on her.”

  I wrinkle my nose, remembering Pamela and how she used to hit on me, promising me a night I’d never forget. She was really attractive. Red hair, pale skin, killer body. And she’d had her sights set on me for some reason.

  I have to admit, I was tempted a time or two. Just to see what it would be like. One night, a bunch of us had gotten wasted and Pamela had kissed me and put her hand up my skirt. It wasn’t until her finger was inside me that I remembered I wasn’t attracted to girls and pulled away, turning her down as gently as I could. But to this day, that memory still makes my stomach tighten just a little bit.

  “I think Gage is getting tired of me,” I blurt out, changing the subject.

  She sits up, wincing a little and turns to me. “Why do you say that?”

  “Because I’m a controlling bitch.”

  Steph laughs. “Well, everybody knows that.”

  I glare at her, but lean back in the chair and take another drink of the green goodness. “He hasn’t said anything,” I admit. “It’s just the feeling I get. He’s one of those strong alpha male types and—“

  “You’re a strong alpha woman,” Steph says, replacing the derogatory words I was going to say about myself.

  I start finger brushing the tangles from my hair and say in a low voice. “Being an alpha can be pretty exhausting.”

  She looks at me, startled, then leans forward and rubs my leg. “Then stop. Or at least take a break from it every now and then. Let him take over. Trust him. You have no idea how amazing it is to completely surrender to someone you trust and just flow with him, completely emerged in just feeling and being.”

  Steph has a dreamy look on her face and I swallow, wishing I could have that dreamy look too. “Is it that easy?”

  She looks at me. “It can be. When you stop fighting so hard for territorial rights.”

  I smile at that. “I feel like I’m so screwed up that I can never be okay, Steph.” The damn tears are back, burning hot behind my eyes. “How do you do it? After everything you went through, how did you set it behind you so that you could move on?”

  “Forgiveness.”

  I snort. “So I say … I forgive thee rapists? And suddenly I’m okay?”

  Shaking her head, she says, “I wish it were that easy. It’s funny. I was reading a book about forgiveness after everything that happened with Jerome. I had been having panic attacks almost every day, as you know.” I nod. I do know. Her panic attacks had been terrible. “The book was fiction, about a couple who fell on hard times and the woman had an affair and then had to decide which man she wanted — her husband or her lover. She had two kids and the husband had been terrible to her, but he began to change and started to fight for her. Anyway, she was talking to her best friend. Kate, I think her name was. And Kate took Melanie, the woman, through this forgiveness process that really connected with me. I tried it and it really helped.”

  I stare at her. “I need to read that book.”

  Steph nods. “Yes, you do. But what I learned is that it’s not enough to forgive the person for what they did; you need to thank that person for the lesson you learned because of him or her.”

  Thank them? Bullshit. I must have looked as incredulous as I was feeling, because she went on. “I’m serious. Take Jerome. I had to make a list of all the things I needed to forgive him for, and believe me, the list was really, really long. Then, I made another list of all the things I needed to thank him for.”

  She swallows and puts her hands over her face. After a moment, she pulls them away and sniffs, wiping the tears. I hand her a corner of the towel and we use it to wipe our faces.

  “I was amazed,” she began and swallows again. “That list was long too, Beth. I remembered all the good times we’d had together and I thanked him for those. Then I thanked him for giving me the money to open HEAL and to buy this house. I thanked him for doing those terrible things because it brought me and Ken closer. It also allowed Ken to find Hannah again and for Hannah to get out of the sex trade.”

  She wipes her eyes again. “Because of Jerome, Captain Frank and Mary practically adopted me and I have someone to walk me down the aisle next spring. Because of Jerome, I realize how much strength I have and that I can fight back and win. That I’m not the wallflower I’d always thought I was.”

  I’m openly sobbing now, watching my best friend’s face smile through the tears. “I thanked him … I even went to his grave site to do it.” I look up at her in surprise. “I know. I didn’t tell anyone until now. But I went there and I read through my list of things I wanted to forgive him for and thank him for. I didn’t need to do that. Forgiveness is for yourself. You don’t ever have to speak to the other person about it. It’s just for you. And, do you know what?”

  I sniff and croak out. “What?”

  “It was like a million pounds lifted off my shoulders. I came home and started doing the same process for everyone who had ever hurt me. My mom for dying so young. My dad for killing himself. The teacher in middle school who was so mean to me because I’d fall asleep in class. She didn’t care that I was thirteen years old and working full time cleaning houses so I could support me and my dad. I forgave and thanked her too. Although her thank you list was way short.” Steph grins.

  I think of the two men who raped me my freshman year and how that night changed me forever. At least I’m 99% sure they raped me and that it was only the two of them. Damn, it’s that 1% of uncertainty that haunts me. Makes me doubt myself and the truth of that night. I’d been drugged and have only the fuzziest of images of what happened.

  I remember dancing with this tall, dark haired frat boy. I think he was a senior and his name was Brian or Brad or something like that. I think.

  I remember another guy coming up behind me and sandwiching me between the two of them. I remember gyrating on the first guy’s leg, dirty dancing while guy number two pushed against my back.

  I remember one of them giving me something to drink and tossing it back in one gulp. I asked for another and someone handed me a glass. I tossed it back and continued to dirty dance. Having the time of my life.

  I remember… being in a room. Naked. Not able to move my arms or legs.

  I remember a white mask hovering over me. It was the hockey mask kind that the guy in Friday the 13th wore. He was shoving into me. Hard. Fast. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t fight. I tried to scream and couldn’t. There was something in my mouth, choking me.

  I remember someone else turning me over and tying me down again.

  I remember searing pain as he forced himself into me anally. So much pain.

  I remember them making me drink something else. Then I only remember waking up on a bench outside the school library. It was still dark. I somehow got to my dorm room and I remember Stephanie holding my hair back while I vomited everywhere.

  I look up at her now. “Can I borrow your book?”

  She grins at me. “Sure. It’s by Elle Dawson. I think you’ll like her.”

  Chapter 11 – Gage

  Thank God for Saturdays!

  Beth and I are roaring down the highway, the top of her Jeep down, and I’m at the wheel. I couldn’t believe it when she’d tossed me the keys and given me a wink.

  I glance over at her now. The tanned, smooth legs that begin in her short khaki shorts and end in a pair of hiking boots. We’re heading to Red Rock. I’d been pleasantly surprised when she’d asked me what I wanted to do when we talked on Thursday. She had forgotten that I’d worked a 24-hour shift the night before and she had woken me from a deep sleep.

  I didn’t mind.

  Red Rock is one of my favorite p
laces to get away from the city. Today we’re hiking Turtlehead Peak. It’s a hard ass climb, but at the top, the view is simply incredible. We’ll be gone for hours and have packed sandwiches, granola and plenty of water for the trip. My backpack is going to be heavy as shit, but it will be worth it. I need the additional exercise anyway.

  We ride in a comfortable silence, 80’s rock blasting from the speakers. She didn’t even fight me for control of the radio this time. Just smiled at me and pushed her sunglasses up her nose. Damn, I need to buy her another pair.

  Pulling into the fee station, I pay the seven bucks and we drive around to the trail entrance, then park and open the back to get our packs.

  Beth tries to pick mine up to move it out of the way and says, “What in the hell do you have in there?”

  I grin at her. “I come here a lot to climb or rappel, so some of my gear is in the bottom. Then our lunch, a blanket. Condoms.” I wiggle my eyebrows at her.

  She steps closer to me and raises up on her tiptoes, wrapping her hands around my neck and pulling my head down. She crushes her lips to mine. Nothing gentle. Hard. Demanding. Then she stops and goes gentle, tracing her tongue over my bottom lip.

  Breathless, she steps away. “Is there anywhere up there where we might put those condoms to use?”

  I grimace and look around at all the other cars filling nearly every space. “Probably not. It looks pretty busy today.”

  “There’s always later though, right?”

  My dick twitches and I tell it to stand down. “Yeah … all night later,” I tell her and have to break away from those intoxicating brown eyes.

  I’m heaving my backpack onto my shoulders when Beth asks, “We’re not climbing or rappelling today; do you need to carry all that stuff?”

  “Don’t need to, but I like having all my things, just in case I see a rock I’m dying to climb. Besides, the extra weight is good for me. I’ve been slacking off working out the past month or so. It’ll be my punishment for being lazy.”